I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
