Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
