I should be sponsored by Trojan
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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