We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
