ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
