oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
