Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
