so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
