No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
