So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
