I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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