your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
