I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
