Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
