If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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