im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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