Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
