if only i could text you this smell
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
