I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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