i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
