i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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