I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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