Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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