Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
