Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
