Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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