Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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