Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
