No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
