apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
