We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
