I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
