I can text with my tongue
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
