is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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