Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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