a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
