im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
