I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
