i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
