So gin and wine won't be happening again
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
