I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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