my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
