I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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