I just cut my nipple shaving
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Drake has all the answers
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
