I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
