Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
