I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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