don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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