tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
