I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
