I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
