Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
